I’m not happy to be awake today.
A rant.
Please play Lost Without You by Patrick Watson as you read this:)
You ever wake up and feel like shit?
Like, not because something bad happened. Not because you had a nightmare or a fight or anything specific. You just open your eyes and everything feels… off. Heavy. Weird.
It’s not even full blown depression. It’s just this weight sitting on your chest before you even sit up.
Your body feels tired, but it’s not the kind of tired sleep can fix.
Your mood is low, but you can’t tell anyone why because you don’t even know.
You lie there staring at the ceiling like, “Why do I feel like this?”
And there’s no answer.
There’s nothing you can point to.
It’s just there.
So you drag yourself out of bed.
You try to act normal.
You brush your teeth, wash your face, maybe play music to distract yourself.
But that heaviness doesn’t budge.
It follows you.
To the bathroom. To breakfast.
To your phone screen when you pretend you’re fine.
And you start to feel crazy.
Like maybe you’re being dramatic.
Like maybe you should just “get over it” because there’s nothing wrong.
But it feels wrong. Your whole body feels wrong.
It’s like being sad and numb at the same time.
Like something’s missing and you don’t even know what.
And no one really talks about it, because you can’t explain it.
And you don’t want to be the person who complains for no reason.
But that feeling is real.
And it sucks.
You don’t always need a reason to feel low.
Sometimes your mind and body just hit pause.
Sometimes you wake up in a fog and have to push through it even though you’re running on empty.
And if that’s where you are right now.. yeah, same.